Once In A While...

Once in a while,

I need to be alone,

I need to be away from everybody,

From my family and friends,

And anybody else.

Just to ponder...

The beginning, the existing and towards the end,

From Him we came from and to Him that we shall come back,

To visualize how was the beginning passed through,

From a village that nurtured my livelihood,

Growing in a town during teenager,

Studying and learning about life in bigger cities,

Then coming back to stay in town.

Raising kids in town,

Put together all resources,

Just to make their lives happier,

Not to mention my sacrifices...

Only Allah knows.

Having kid, one after another,

Now, nine altogether,

Never feel sorry,

Never feel guilty,

But I love them all.

Poor thing about me,

I don't know how to show off my love,

Especially when they're grown ups,

But for sure, each one of them I take takaful,

Just to make sure they are covered if they got sick.

Each one of them, never missed the 12th birthday,

Because I'm the one who took them for their IC's

Each one of them, never grew up without my opening of their Tabung Haji account,

Just to show how I care for them if anything happened to me...

I know, one might say...

I'm the worst father,

Who doesn't be with their kids nights and days,

Alas, that's me...

I'm no better than what I have done to you...

If you feel that I'm no better than... you should get another father...

I know, one might say...

I'm very stingy,

Because not everytime my kids asked for money I fulfilled their needs,

To me, kids need to learn that money doesn't come by very easy,

You'll never get easy money in this world,

One day,

When you be a father or mother,

Then you will understand,

Why I didn't giveaway money so easily,

Oh... I have missed my tracks,

My existing life is alhamdulillah,

Even though it's not up to my expectation,

But I have what I need and I have some of what I want,

I'm blessed with your blessings ya Allah...

And I couldn't count and I couldn't say more...

Day in day out,

I'm counting...

When Allah will take my soul away,

Not that I'm ready and not that I wanna go now but,

I know the time will come...

I'm preparing so that when the time comes,

I won't feel so bad,

I won't feel I've been neglected,

But at least I feel good that I know it's coming,

No matter about my preparation,

Just need some time off to be alone,

Before they'll make us alone...

Down there,

So alone and so lonely...

wifwi ~ 20 jan 2014